To be perfectly honest, I woke up today KNOWING it was going to be a sucky day. April 30th always is. This year I decided to get the suckiness out of the way and continue on with things. So here it is, today is the 18th anniversary of the day I got a phone call at work to tell me my Daddy "was gone". He wasn't truly gone, of course, but had suffered for 14 months with a form of cancer called Glioma. In fact my dad was gone a long time before he ever passed away. But April 30th became the day we marked his death. And so each April 30th I get a bit sadder than other days of missing him, and I miss him terribly. As those of you who have lost someone important in your life know, the loss doesn't lessen, you just learn to live with it. I have found though, that as I get older I miss him more in some ways. He never got to see me get married, though I did visit the hospital on my wedding night ... me in my wedding dress and Rob in his tux, but he was in a coma - like state and never (I don't think) knew it. He wasn't there when I lost Rob .... also to cancer (this time melanoma). He never met my husband Tom. I know in my heart they would have got along perfectly, but will never see it for myself. More than all of that, I miss him loving on his grandbabies. He has a bevvy of beautiful grandchildren from all of his kids and would have loved to had the chance to hold just one of them for a moment. I would have loved for him to have that chance. I wish he had been there while we struggled and battled through Julia's cancer. I wish he was there to watch Sunday football with them and say his usual catch phrase, "I don't care what they say, THAT HAS GOT TO HURT!" I wish my kids had a grandpa to just BE with.
Than I think how fortunate he is in so many ways. He never watched his parents succumb to cancer ... they went after he. He didn't have to see his baby's baby fight for her life. I know that would have broken his heart. He missed all those Yankee penants and I KNOW if cancer hadn't taken him, that surely would have! :) Sorry Dad, but they are still my team!
He is in my heart every day, but today, as on every April 30th, I would love for him to be in yours also. Thanks for thinking of him!
Now on to a brighter day! Please feel free to comment and pass my link along as I grow this site into a place where eventually we can all come, hang out and share what's on our minds. I know most of us have something to say on any given day or just want to hear what someone else is going on about, so bookmark this page or click on "followers" and let's see where we can get this site to do!
Love you Dad.