Thursday, April 30, 2009

Is that so wrong ~ Report cards and bullies

Is it so wrong to want to fight with a 3rd grader when you are a 44 year old college educated parent and professional who should know better? Maybe a little One on One conversation to put the fear of Mama Bear into him.... Oh come on! Tell me what you would do! There is a child in Greg's class who has been an absolute thorn in his side all year long. I have been witness to his behavior and interactions with Greg and I can't help but wonder how he acts when I am NOT there. My middle guy is the sweetest, kindest and smartest child in our home ... There I said it! and he is incapable (due to his Aspergergers) of lying or hurting anyone without provocation. So yesterday when I got a note home saying Greg threw a "really big rock at J" I knew something had triggered it. I had the politically correct Mommy talk with Greg and reminded him that though this boy pushed him "hard to the ground on the playground for no reason" this is no reason to throw a rock at his head, though secretly I was cheering that he finally defended himself! I thought I did the right thing but knew this was far from over.
So today my poor little guy gets in the car and is met with some smartass comment by his big brother. When I ask Thomas why he said that, Greg responded by saying, "because he doesn't want some brainless jerk who doesn't know anything, in the car with him." (Pretend you can feel my heart twisting and blood boiling simultaneously) Where on earth did you hear something like that?! "J says that to me all the time Mom! And I don't get it, because he is so nice and fun to everyone else but when he sees me he just gets mad." Are ya feeling what I am feeling now?! So yes, my son has Asperger's and even if it didn't have a name, we all know he is different. What he is not though, is threatening in any way. Alright, so I stooped low and I told him, "Do you know he is the dumbest and meanest kid in your class and you are the nicest and smartest? I feel bad for him but Greg, he is just jealous of you. Next time he says anything like that to you, just laugh and tell him your mother thinks he's ugly and stupid."
Yup ~ There ya have it ~ the winner of the 2009 Mommy of the Year Award goes to .... just about anyone but me!
So please tell me ... what would you have done differently? Tom of course, wants to go visit the parents and have a talk with the father ... I don't think coffee and donuts are to be included. I couldn't speak to the teacher because, as luck would have it, she began her maternity leave today with the birth of her brand new baby boy! Yea!!! So there was a sub in the classroom and she wasn't even the "permanent sub" for the maternity leave. As Greg told me, she is the substitute's substitute.
On an up note ... and it's a big one ... all 3 kids came home with fantastic report cards. Julia is still in 1st grade so she got all "s"s and "3"s and both Thomas and Greg made honor roll yet again with perfect A's ... That boosts their esteem so much and it makes them proud that we are proud. I wish I had that drive when I was their age. I know if they can hold onto that it will get them far.
So school is not all bad for my kids and I know Greg will have to deal with a lot more before he is the wealthy professional that returns to the Class Reunion and puts them all to shame, but I wish we could make it easer and I will gladly fight his battles if I need to ! Is that so wrong?!


  1. That is great, Dont feel bad,We just did the same thing the other day. Some kids were picking on Zack about politics of course...And Zack went alittle overboard with "obama".You know zacks passion. It got all turned around and We went to battle for him as well.We are parents and that is what we have to do to protect them.Sean went and had a few choice things to say to the principal and wanted to talk to the parents but didnt.

  2. Poor Zack ... Love him, even if I don't love his politics! LOL! I can't believe 10 and 11 year olds are getting involved with that nonsense so early on. Guess it beats some other things they could be involved with. So how did the Principal from Hell handle it? There is really nothing more heartbreaking than watching your kid get hurt and you can't stop it ....

  3. It wasent him, But they handeled it real well. Thank god it was Zack, Mr. President himself in that School and that they belived that he would never say the things this boy was saying that Zack had said. It was taking care of, but he was really hurt that this boy took what he said and changed his words around just because he didnt have the same opinions....I tried to explain to him that he is in 5th grade and most kids his age are too young to be debating with.LOL..

  4. Kathy, I was rolling when I read your post! I went through the same sort of thing earlier this year. Unbenonst to me, some little girl kept telling my sweet little third grade son how ugly he was with his glasses on. She was relentless and wouldn't let up. Finally, he came home in tears one day and told me what had been going on during the day. My first reaction (and I have too called myself mother of the year for this) was to say that she was a brat. I then told him how beautiful he was and that he should tell her the next time she teased him that she was ugly inside and out. There was nothing she could do to change her face, but he will eventually lose the glasses! Not one of my prouder moments. Then, I called the teacher and told her what was going on. The next day she read a story about glasses and told the kids how she had to wear glasses for years. It worked as the littler terror never said another word....if speaking with the teacher didn't work I had planned on calling her parents or say something to her myself at lunch. We've since gotten Jake contacts b/c her comments changed the way he felt about himself. He woke up every morning crying and refused to put his glasses on. Everytime he cried I imagined myself punching that little third grade girl in the nose. Even though I would never harm a fly, the thought made me feel better :0) It's too bad kids don't know how hurtful their words could be.

    Just remember that it is up to us to defend our children because nobody cares about their well being and happiness as much as we do. Be proactive as her parents, hopefully they will be mortified by their son's behavior. Wouldn't you if you found out your child was behaving that way? I would want to know if my child was hurtful to others so I could nip it in the butt. Good luck and tell Greg to keep his head high.

    Jennifer Mangeney